I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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