So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
