I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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