The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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