dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
