we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
