matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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