its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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