just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
