we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
