Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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