is your mom at the bar?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
