I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
