I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
