Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
