If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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