I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
