I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
