My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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