This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
