I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
