He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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