My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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