ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
