very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
