TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
