Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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