i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
false alarm. still invincible.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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