I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
