Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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