I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
