ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
