I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
50% drunk capacity currently
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
