He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
