Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you are never too drunk for berry picking
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
