Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize