He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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