So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
