Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
