just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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