So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
