Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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