It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
