well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
