he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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