In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
