apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
