I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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