Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
