My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
