Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
