I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
