absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
