your parents love me but you hate me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
