we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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