Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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