i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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