I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
