she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
